she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
