I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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