I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
