Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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