it wasn't lemon gatorade
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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