So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
