Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
