if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
