His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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