I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
