so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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