I'm going to jail i love you
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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