you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
