I'm really into asian looking animals
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
