Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We are two peas in an std pod
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
