i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
