Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
