Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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