That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
