You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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