Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize