I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
