Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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