and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
