So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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