just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
