Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
