I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
