My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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