Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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