So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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