I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
