Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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