Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize