I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
