I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
