I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
