Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I look better un-naked...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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