Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
