If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just googled if crying burns calories
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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