yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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