Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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