Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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