At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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