i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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