i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
