I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
