did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
