who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize