sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
