I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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