Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
