6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
