I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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