I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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