I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
its liver damage thursday
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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