Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
