i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
