we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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