and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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