every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
