She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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