I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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