You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
